Tag Archives: life

2010 feels different.

2 Jan

“You can close your eyes to the things you do not want to see, but you cannot close your heart to the things you do not want to feel.”

So its 2010. What a year ‘that’ was. I came a long way from who I was, to who I really am.
Self discovery. A year of travel, a year of love, a big year of breaking and a total year of self realisation.
I learnt what I really want in my life, what I like, don’t like and how to have a good time and take what I want without thinking of everyone else first for a change. That’s right, no more apologies for nothing.
There were mistakes made and decisions, if I could make again I would do differently. But I wouldn’t change them now.
Now I have learnt every lesson that has been so graciously hand delivered good or bad – Thank you kindly to those playing at home. …And they’ve truly contributed to who and what I want to be.

I don’t yet know what I want from this year ahead and yes, it kind of scares me a little for a change. For a big damn change. I actaully feel like I have woken up from a long sleep and the bed is icy cold.
Its time to get moving on with things, learning new lessons, techniques and styles of life to fit me. Not you. not him. Not them.
Im not quite the person I was last year and Im still trying to make that work for everything around me. Trying to get others to understand that this is me, is actually a little more difficult than it sounds.

I am designing again and it feels right. The work is real, no more thrilling than expected but Im determined to climb this wirey, long ladder and find whatever is at the top waiting for me. …And that ladies and gentlemen excites ‘ME’.

Soldier on. This is who I am and this year, wherever the hell it came from has a
theme. Fighting for what I want. Who I am and what I need.
I’ll get there anyway I see fit. There’s no turning back because here it is.

You just know now. You just do.

Written words and perfect pictures.

24 Nov

All of a sudden.

17 Nov

Everything that you do is not original.
throughout the history of this world
someone has experienced what you are feeling.
Written the same thing
Having the same thoughts.
But I just feel alone right now.

Everything that you see will influence you
And every person you have talked to
has filled a part of your mind.
…How did I ever let myself get this involved?

There is a vacant hole in my mind,
just waiting for the right memory
the feeling of the moment
to fill it,
the factor.
That keeps me going.

Sure I have people and things
that i depend on – and I didn’t realise how much.

But in the end it seems like it will leave,
and something else will take its place.
Just how far is it?

All it does to my mind
is cause a cloud of
something that is grey.

Oddly and wholely for this time.
It was that little nugget that would fill that space.
well…I’m not sure, but you’re not there anymore.
And i cant describe it to anyone else.
not like i really want to.
It just was.

All I want
is for it to just be there,

And to stop being broken.

What to do.

7 Sep

All I ever wanted was to know what to do…
I’ve been paralyzed by the quiet,
and for a moment something spoke to me,
and I came here,
Driftwood from the heart.
Intermittently there were answers.
Intermittently there was a sweet chorus
and it sang to me
and pointed to all the right paths,
I was watching and approving and took it by the hand.
But just as often,
there was silence,
A hidden mystery of still, of limbo.
So I stood blinking under the sun,
Under the black velvet sky,
All I have to think of is what to do next.
What’s coming next?

One step up and two steps back…

22 Jul

You wanna know what living life to the fullest actually is?

It’s waking up on Monday morning with no complaints.
It’s knowing you always deserve to laugh.
It’s doing what feels right no matter what. Doing what you want regardless of how stupid you look.
Its following your heart and not worrying about the mistakes you made.
Admitting that you’ve changed your mind.
It’s about being yourself, because no one can tell you you’re doing it wrong.

So it begins… A new idea.

Half full or half empty?

25 Jun

They say a glass seen as half full exemplifies an optimistic view of things. Life, travel, money or what ever you want to pour from.
…Yet a glass viewed as half empty is a reflection of a pessimistic perspective.
I do often see things half empty here, especially in such a foreign environment with unfamiliar surroundings or difficult situations, but I guess that’s normal – anywhere.

Things can seem so much further out of reach and so much more is at stake though when there is nothing familiar to keep you moving along for the rest of your journey. It can all feel completely half empty when you’re alone to start something new.

But yesterday is now a past-tense representation of my life, I have learnt a great deal in moving forward and each day naturally grows upwards and stronger, shaping my own reality as it seems.

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Today my glass is half full. and I won’t let my spirit be broken anymore.
My enlightened perspective now is that I have nothing to lose, and everything to gain.
Perspective is my new fuel for originality. We look at the same world, and see something else, our own worlds blossoming into a new life as a result of what we see, what we do and what we are looking for.
Here comes tomorrow.


Images thanks to compfight.

After quitting…

15 Apr

cycle_dark
This week, at thirty five minutes after two o’clock, I changed my life with a firecracker-like initiation of hopeful ambition. I did what some unwaveringly warned me against, what, I even doubted, I’d ever have the nerve to do. I staked my life in a risk; I just quit my job, without even a solitary prospect of another position of employment, and… I’m going after my dreams.
Just like that, I gambled any security of my well-being, granting my former company four weeks’ notice, and leaving myself fourteen brief days or so to arrange a ‘real life’ move to London.

Today, I breathe in and out, in the same way as I did as a kid riding my bike without holding on to handlebars, the biting teeth of gravel and stone gliding beneath me, waiting for me to fall, and still, the delicate consciousness of the wind lacing through my hair, the blood pulsing past my ears, my heart hammering with adrenaline.

I arrived here, to this moment now, through a burning longing for a life more gratifying than this; an audacious new year’s resolution, and on the grounds that I have wanted to move time and again, to take the risk. I would be but a fraud to advise a life of risk, if I was not courageous enough to lay it all on the line myself.

The moments become surreal, I feel as if I drift, in a suspension of sleep, on the verge of awakening, to see with tired eyes that life has the same familiar rhythm, as it did before. My eyes are open though, and I’m about to leave behind all I’ve ever kept, all I’ve ever known, thus far.

I know now, that I must let go, to grab something else, and I’m taking my first piece of this immense, ruthless, beautiful world. I’m grabbing my life by the horns, danger and all, no matter what becomes of it.

Goodbye sanctuary, goodbye Melbourne days and nights.
Hello, escapade.

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The rhythm of change

31 Mar

Every year, right around this time, I develop a warm feeling of excited anticipation.

I wake up in the morning and the air smells like possibility,
the sun on my face feels like a rhythm that my life is about to change.
As I wait for the change to start happening,
I always find myself dreaming of what it might be:
a new job, a house change,
winning the big bucks possibly?
Usually, the change is almost always more like realising that it’s time to do the laundry and suddenly hitting the jackpot with clothes I’d forgotten about completely. Regardless, this feeling always surprises me, and I treasure it each year, whatever form it choses to take.

It’s sort of like a reminder that I am not yet at all jaded by life,
that I still believe in great impossible things such as moving my whole entire self to a different country or becoming something I’m not yet.
I cling to this part of myself like a child who knows the Tooth Fairy isn’t *really* real, and yet refuses to admit it.
Perhaps this is my version of refusing to achieve maturity.

But hey, if that feeling of pure joy and eagerness disappears, all that’s left of autumn is the air getting cooler and the grey mornings getting darker, then how boring is that?

I don’t think I will ever quite stop dreaming about the changes, the could be’s and the will be’s… which is why this time the impossible rhythm is really quite something.
It might be enough to take my heart and soul, my ideas and my life to another level above laundry baskets and hidden socks to an unknown mystery.
But I wont know till I get there.

London here we come.

flower-st1

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The Big Picture

17 Mar

Not too long ago, I found myself traipsing around the Andreas Gursky exhibition in Melbourne.
I was with a sweet boy, uttering issues about work, life and love. As you do.

Moving along now.
So while sinking into Gursky’s photos, which are tremendous images of humanity’s simultaneous isolation and communal sharing of experiences, we we’re trying not to talk too much about the work and other nefarious issues, but instead talking about the photos, because we both feel it utterly necessary to live a life inspired (some prefer to say distracted) by art-slash-design–slash-photography.
Naturally.
So, as we stand in front of an oversized landscape of an apartment building, (The Montparnasse, Paris ’93) which shows more than a hundred windows, each different, bold, beautiful and intrinsically unique.
He made a frivolous comment about the poor guy who had the lilac and burgundy blinds, and how much he must hate living there.
I thought quietly for a moment, gazing into the windows that filled my mind before me and turned around promptly to the sound of an oddly quiet voice that could coat the most prophetic announcements.
“It might look bad from where he’s standing, but it works so beautifully as part of the whole.”
A young boy about the age I started appreciating design and art in a bigger scope was standing closely behind us. Starring amusingly at the giant print, analysing more than any adult in the room could ever have imagined.
Instantly, the fundamental point in my mind emerges.
He was right. The entire exhibition exemplified a deliberation of fine detail, infrastructure and how each and every unit, person or colour became a pawn within an entire landscape.
Which now had us asking; How does everything we do fit into the whole world view? How does the dynamic change when we take the long view? Or the outside perspective? And if you change your blinds (or job for instance…), do you need or even want to think about the surrounding picture? …What comes next?

The Montparnasse, Paris

The Montparnasse, Paris

Maybe Gusky was onto something afterall.

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Into the unknown

21 Jan

To believe in an escape from the quotidian aspect of life is probably one of our greatest, deep-seated motivators.
Though we might love our friends, family and lives in general, our active minds constantly entertain a place, a future far removed from the familiar.

The escape plan can take many forms; a career breakthrough, a change of country or scenery …sometimes both or a loving relationship even.
The only way we can march to the beat of the humdrum, and chew the gristle of daily life is to believe that something more amazing, more defined, might just be around the corner.

Is it?